He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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