i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
