Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
