Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
