You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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