No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
