You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
