yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
