Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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