i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
