I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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