Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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