i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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