Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
