I wanna passion pit in your ass
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
