Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
