apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
