i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
