my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
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