where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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