I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize