im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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