My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
