Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
