i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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