He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
