i was rollin on her like bob the builder
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
