@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
