You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
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