Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
