and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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