Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize