Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
