i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
