just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
