Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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