Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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