I think I died a long time ago.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
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