Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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