respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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