does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
