How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
