Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
