he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
