I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
