I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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