erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
