Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
