the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
