It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
