sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
