She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I wear drunk well.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
