you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
