look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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