Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
