i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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