dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I have peed in a lot of sinks
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
