When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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