i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I am one with the molecules
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
