i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
