Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
