saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just want to make out with him forever
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
