No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
