Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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