I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
