So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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