nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
