OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
