His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize