Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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