I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
