i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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