i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Be still, my beating vagina.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
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