why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
