I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize