This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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