We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
and you fell through a lawn chair
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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