I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize