you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
