I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize