if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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