she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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