Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
