Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
