Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
