That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
pray to the hookup gods
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
