I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
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