the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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